We have a special treat for you today in the shape of a guest article by Serge Suit.
Now Serge doesn’t need much of an introduction but his journey has been a business inspiration to many. The only child of itinerant corporate lawyers in the City of London his father Laurence (or “Law” to his few friends) and mother Velvet scrimped and saved to put together a tax efficient £50m investment back in 1984 to acquire the assets of a small Caribbean nation, including the island everyone used to live on, and a remarkably liberal blanking and legal system.
Following two decades of buying things, Serge’s business empire Suits Unlimited became the Suits U global brand and its founder stepped back to become Chairman. Now well known for being pictured wearing linen trousers and standing in warm water his Blasting Celebrities Into Space Foundation has become his obsession.
So, we’re blessed to have the following piece by Serge’s ghost writer, St John McCockles, about how to go about being interviewed for one of those job things:
Well obviously the first thing to do is make a list so you don’t forget what to do. My people make lists when buying things for me and so should you.
Now, the last interview I did was on a chat show with Graham Norton, Bill Clinton, George Clooney and Carla Bruni and let me tell you I had to prepare for that. My assistant spent three days reminding me not to answer any questions about that business with Vladimir’s friends in Nigeria.
Well it can get chilly in Europe sometimes even away from the Alps so then I wear jeans and a jumper instead of my linen trousers. You should do the same thing – probably an idea to wear shoes as well.
Important people don’t hire ugly people – I certainly don’t! – so think about grooming too. For instance I have a beard but if you have to work for a living then you probably shouldn’t grow a beard until you’ve been there for a while.
If there’s one thing I hate it’s being kept waiting. Now obviously I can do what I want when I want on my island but I don’t think you can do that in my airline business because then planes would just be taking off and landing at random. So be like Suits U Budget Air and turn up within an hour or two of when you’re supposed to.
Now obviously my HR people do all my interviews but I did some myself last year for “I’m a Celebrity and I Want to be Blasted Into Space” on Sky. All we needed was someone who didn’t mind dying and who could describe the view out of the window. Clearly Piers Morgan was the obvious choice but I was disappointed with all the other celebrities who couldn’t convince me that they had what it took to look out of a window. Perhaps you could draw a picture to show yourself doing the job and being happy.
Well everyone remembers me punching Clive Anderson in the face a few years ago when he asked me on air if I regretted giving the second Mrs Suit £23m, a large house and my environmentally friendly nuclear fuel reprocessing business to go away and keep quiet about that weekend in Liege. You should probably just stick to a firm handshake or something though.
Of course the final thing you need is a copy of my book, “Screw It, What Time’s Launch?” There’s lots of stuff in there covering everything from how to sue journalists to putting your Ferrari through someone’s hedge. It’s invaluable if you’re just starting out and useful even if you do already own a small country.
Well thanks there to Serge.
Next month I hope to have a piece from Sir Hugh Hampton explaining why every business idea you’ve ever had is worthless and how he turned that simple concept into a worldwide TV franchise.